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Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Strengthening the Trust of your Partner

Written by: Allison Bisongs Hyacintho


"DEFINING TRUST"

I shared this with my friends and they all thought I was crazy, maybe, maybe not. Let me show you another dimension of trust, I hope you won't think am crazy too; One time in my relationship, I got so uncomfortable with the level of trust my partner has for me, it's amazing how she has so much confidence in the fact that am doing right by her whether she's there or not.

I mean, she knows the kind of person I am, she knows how I naturally attract women to my side without making any effort, am that kind of brother that have a handful of male friends, the rest are just ladies who are always at my Whatsapp, Facebook, and coming at me with calls.
Yet she trusted me with all of those female attention I was getting...Never for a second did she check my messages or read my chats, never for a day did she question who was calling me when we're together, never did she scroll through my phone and nag about how I have too many females contacts, she never ever did.

She never answers my call, whether am there or not, she never secretly called my female friends to ask if we have anything, like most insecure women do. I mean the level of trust was exquisite, and I became so uncomfortable with it.

I know some of you guys have already started thinking I must be mad, like "why should you be uncomfortable? Isn't that what every man wants from his woman?”, ...you're right, honestly am mad, that's something everyone wants from their partner, but for me I wasn't comfortable with it, I thought there was something I had to do to affirm her trust for me, I really needed to do something that says - 

"hey babe, thank you so much for trusting me, and for the confidence that am doing right by you always, you know what? You're right, am not cheating or running any games on you, this is to let you know that you can keep trusting me."

I needed to do something that will give her an assurance of her trust, saying it, won't be enough, I wanted more. So I did this crazy thing; One day I called her up and lied, I was like:
"babe, I have been getting calls from my friends who say they have been seeing nude photos on my Facebook page, so many pictures of naked women are crowding my timeline and it's coming from my account, they're calling to inform me so I can come online quickly and sort it out before it ruins my image. But since I cannot log in from where I am because of a bad network, I need you to quickly log in and reset my account for me before more damage is done."

Then for the first time she asked for my password. It was all a lie, I just made up the gist to get her to log into my account, because I know women, there's no way she would log in here without going to spy at my messages from 2005 to date, and that was what I wanted, for her to come in and be proud of her man, to get that reassurance that "yea, am right for trusting him, everything is okay."

Guys, no matter how much your partner trust you to the moon and back, they'll always need to be constantly reassured, always. Am talking about both genders. You don't need to do something crazy like I did, start with little things like; removing all the passwords from your phone and computer, stop locking your applications, it doesn't give your partner any assurance, rather those things encourage doubts.

Sometimes intentionally ask her to help you answer your call when you two are together, or reply your chats when you're doing something else, that's a higher dimension of trust. Carelessly open your Facebook or other social media accounts and leave the phone where she can easily have access to it, that's confirming trust.

If there's a friend on Facebook that is always commenting on your post like you two have something and you think your partner does not know, you LIE! They do, especially women, sometimes comment on her own post too and tag your partner on it in a way that invites them to join the conversation, that's affirming trust buddy.

If there's someone that's always calling you frequently and you have not given your partner the phone to talk with them before, that's wrong guys, it's good to know that your partner knows you don't have anything with that person besides friendship, but is also better to give them an assurance of that trust in you.

Be open with each other, always, trust needs to be indirectly verified, your partner won't have doubts and insecurity if you're open with them. I wish I can talk more on this and give more case scenarios, but the article is long already.

So bye bye.



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