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Sunday, April 16, 2017

Things Ladies Must Look Out For In a Man Before Marrying Him

Written by: The Counsellor

Ladies, these 5 things are in themselves not exhaustive, but they should be foremost in your mind as you consider a man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Watch him for these. I found it interesting because I'm tired of hearing stories of emotional and financial abuse, and wife battering too. It spoils my day; so I thought to share this:

1. Look for the fear of God.
The first thing to look for is the fear of God. This is very important. I say fear of God because the word “born-again” has been misused. Everybody is born again today People become born again momentarily to get what they want. People give their lives to Jesus in order to get a wife and after they do, they collect their lives back from Jesus!

It is no longer safe to assume somebody is God’s choice because you met him or her in church! It goes beyond that. This is why you don’t fall in love with somebody you met two hours ago. You cannot fall in love with somebody you do not know. Love comes with knowledge.

2. Look for focus.
The focus is important. What is the man focusing on in life? What is his vision in life? Who does he want to become? What is the person’s idea of marriage? Is the person serving God presently?
What is he doing now? What does he intend to do later? What are his plans?

3. Look for consistency.
Consistency has to with his habits and patterns. Does he have consistent spiritual habits? Who are his friends? How does he spend his free times? In the bar?

4. Look for utterances.
His words are representations of the intents of his heart…for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. (Matthew 12:34b KJV). His words would reveal his heart. Ask a lot of questions and listen to what he says.

This is why courtship is important. Courtship period is not the time to get physical sexually, it is not an alignment of the bodies, it is an alignment of the minds. So before you give your consent, ask questions. What is his concept of serving God?

You need to know all of these so that you will not walk down the aisle and then three months after, you want to run up the aisle and out of the marriage. That will not be your portion, but you need to “shine your eye” well! Stop falling in love helplessly, without thinking! Don’t be desperate to the extent that anything that comes goes.

When you are desperate, men can sense it, and they may take advantage of that. You don’t have any business in the bed of man that you met a few days back! How will you keep your respect and dignity intact like that? What will your relationship with God become? You are not a philanthropist, so stop donating your body and opening your legs generously for whoever wants! Nay!

5. Look for submission.
Is this man submissive? 
Who can you report him to when there are issues? 
Does he have a pastor or mentor you can report him to? 
He is not supposed to be the alpha and the omega that you cannot report. Is he accountable? To who? 

I have counselled a few married people, and the issues are so serious and it is really very sad when I ask the wife, “who does your husband respect?” and they go like, “Pastor, he respects nobody, not even his parents!”

Now, that is not a good spot to be… Listen to me single ladies; never commit your life to somebody who has no authority figures over his life! When you do that, you have eliminated any external options when it comes to conflict resolution. It means the issue must be solved only by his wisdom and standard and that wisdom can be outright foolishness.
That standard can be very warped. So, be wise!

Too many ladies have been abused in their matrimonial home, with the husband brazenly beating up the wife and even bringing another woman into the house, and the wife looks on helplessly because NOBODY can talk to him! It can really be unfortunate! When you are at that point, your only way out is to pray…and ask God to have mercy on the foolish choice that has been made. The mercy of God can turn things around.

God bless you.

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