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Saturday, March 11, 2017

My Professions My Woes

Written by: Muoka Chibuzor

Wow she's kind, cool and single... Who wouldn't like such a girl?
She dresses well and carries herself gracefully... Who wouldn't want to say hii?
But to swear she's an angel, I can't vouch for her innocency.

We got to know each other as a result of the similarities in our aims in life.
Suddenly, we became good friends and chitchat when ever possible. 
We were becoming close and I felt hormonal uprising and affection taking over me. 
I think "I like her" I said to myself...

Emotions beclouded my brain and I felt I have seen a goldfish in the Atlantic ocean.
I looked at her pictures in my phone almost everyday. Smiling secretly on such occasions.
Sometimes i called her "My Superwoman" a secret name I guess.

Could this be Love or... Doom.
She could be the right girl, and if only I could bare my mind. We could be more.
Who knows? In a world full of possibilities.

I kept acting the movie of care and pretence, and my heart was raging like a kettle housing an enormous amount of water that has exceeded its boiling point and should be evacuated of thoughts.
My thoughts about her, stretched my mind beyond elastic limits. And a little more push might make me obsessed with her.

I told my friends mostly the females about her and they said "aren't you man enough?  Tell her before another does."
I tried asking about the what-ifs but they appeared very convinced. Giving me the go ahead advice.

Take a step you may never know. But Women are complicated that I know.

As curious as i am, i still picked up my smartphone and googled whether to tell a girl you like her or not.
The result was disappointing... Virtually every article said DON'T DO IT! Till you are able to initiate a feeling that will make her desire you.

I was scared... Because our friendship alone meant a lot and has helped me a lot.
Maybe I shouldn't say it or maybe i should…
I hated the idea of initiating desire, I felt it was a way too long process.

How do I initiate such a biological reaction of enormous feelings? 
What enzymes can catalyze such?
A question that kept me wide awake.
Probably the enzyme"lovase" can… What a wild imagination.

I thought it was just theoretical jargons,
I thought it was mere Western mentality as relates to relationship.
This is Africa and things can't be the same abroad in the white mans land.
I waved off the "The feeling-desire initiation theory".

I was trying to always say the truth and be that sincere guy, she may admire.
Since I can't tell if she feels same for me. Although she once told me she loves honest people.
I was cowed to believe that if I tell her the truth it might signify honesty.
Online research said "tell her and lose her".
I ignored them all.
Just like 007 in James bond movies, I embarked on a mission with the objective of grabbing her heart and breaking the chains that kept me in the friend zone.

Then I let the cat out of the bag, "I like you".
She said "really", I said "really really reality".

The aftermath of the confession made me regret my professions.
My professions became my woes.
Her actions after what I said was pointing accusing fingers at me.
Probably I have ruined our friendship, I lamented within me.

She stopped calling me on phone.
She started avoiding me.
We no longer chat as usual on social media.
And she would decline any offer I make to see her.
Is she shy or what..
Or maybe she doesn't like me as such..
Thoughts guzzled me aloof and I felt I committed a taboo worthy of ostracism.

Ooh my God! What have I done?
Why can't my mouth be sealed. Mr Honesty indeed.
On a second thought I discovered that keeping quiet can make me restless.
I loved freedom and I think I don't have to regret it. Especially saying my MIND.

I picked offense as I wasn't the pleading type. I was sad. Finally I lost her because of reasons best known to her.
I decide to stay away from her, and you may ask… what about our initial friendship?
and i would only say,
"It crashed to ashes before my eyes".

Read more about articles written by Muoka Chibuzor via the link -

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