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Saturday, January 21, 2017


Written by: Ekwegbalu Nnamdi

{What every lady must know}

"Young man, you are absolutely nothing, 'you no even reach my level', don't you know that you won't even fit into the class of people I roll with, even if they try so hard to squeeze you in" Of course you may have heard such degrading remark made to a young man, or perhaps used it on someone yourself. How sad!

It is with mild irritation that I seek to write this, though it is obvious that some ladies may still never learn irrespective. In recent times the prevalent social wave is that of Women Empowerment, Gender equality and Feminism; to this I would yet choose to reserve my comment. But the idea behind gender equality and the feministic notion I believe was for equal treatment and attitude towards the genders; both male and female. 

While some of our young ladies vigorously advocate such notion and even scream "gender equality" at the top of their voices, in practice however it is obvious that they are still inadvertently promoting the idea of the superiority of the male by their actions. Now before you conclude that I am a chauvinist, allow me to prove this point.

Growing up as a male child, I was often reminded that the female mature faster than the male. That seemed to explain the tendencies they exhibited while still tender. In school for instance, I'd noticed that while I was still playing "my own innocent play", my female class mates were already more advanced in the kind of play they enjoyed, no wonder they preferred boys in the senior classes, sometimes even older men at that, which kept me in awe. At other points I noticed that while I was busy trying to be a good student, some of my female class mates had already discovered 'other uses' for the male teachers, particularly those fine looking NYSC male teachers.

Read alsoThe NYSC Love Affair

I can remember the various times I felt utterly bewildered and perplexed, unable to understand the exact needs of my then female crush, who though was my age mate felt I was too young and immature in my reasoning. Of course it wasn't with respect to my academic performance, I sure wasn't an average student, I would have even considered myself pretty much above average. However, the kind of maturity she expected completely eluded me.

Over the years, I've also come to experience a continuous perpetuation of the same phenomenon which has consequently made me come to terms with that fact of life, 'that even though I may be of the same age with a girl, tendencies are that she would advance more quickly than myself with a certain ease, on another person's hardwork and toil through the means or instrumentality of marriage'.

I have never questioned or sought to critique this notion, but what I now consider unacceptable is the very fact however repulsive, that a lady who merely because she was, or would be quickly married off to some comfortable and already established man, without so much as toiling for herself merely stepping 'graciously' into the wealth he has accumulated independent of her, seemingly offering her life's luxuries on a platter of gold, thereby baptizing her "Oriaku" {Consumer of Wealth} does not, should not and will not in any way howsoever put her over and above other men ".
Simply because you are living in a luxurious apartment that you did not take part in securing, or driving a car that you cannot afford by yourself does not make you a boss. You are merely enjoying another person's toil, and that does not necessarily give you value or prestige or add anything to your net worth. Remember, what is not yours can never be truly yours merely because you were married into it!

It is shameful that most of our girls who are seeking university education are merely seeking it because it is their ticket to marriage, because right now even the uneducated and illiterate men are looking for graduates to marry, and now you are going to school merely to secure a paper which qualifies you to get married? What a shameful existence!

As a lady you have lived on total dependency all your life, from depending on your parents or father, to depending on your uncles, to maybe brothers or relations, then boyfriends, man-friends, and ultimately on the man you married. That is not an achievement to boast about or an accolade to celebrate, it only makes you a leech and a pest, nothing more, nothing less. 

It is even more shameful when you rely on that, and consequently look down on a hardworking man with a bright future and compare yourself with him, thinking you are better placed than he is simply because you are depending on another's wealth. Trust me young woman you are nothing but a leech!

Your fancy handbags, shoes and accessories are not bought with your hard earned money, the phone you display was given to you by another, the clothes you display was bought using the money of another, let me ask you then, "On what grounds therefore do you make boast?" Worse off, is if you have to sleep around for it, then your case is truly different or better still pathetic.

Let me salute those hardworking young women that I have been privileged to meet in life's journey, who have resolved in their hearts to carve a niche for themselves, who have worked and toiled hard to foot their own bills. These are the one's referred to as "Osodieme" {An equal partner with the husband} this is the kind of wife a husband truly respects and values, because she has paid her dues in life, not those whose life ambition can be summarized using just one word "Marriage", those who go around looking for an already made man to marry. My dear shame on you, you are merely a leech!

One quick fact about men, before you go around despising a hardworking young man striving to find his footing in life, before you call him names and look at him with disdain, before you call him a broke ass nigger merely because you are confident on the wealth of another.

Men truly are like landed properties, they can only appreciate in value. Have you not seen a land that was once worth merely a hundred thousand naira at some point, but after a while skyrockets to the value of millions of naira? Men are like that you know, never judge a man by where he is today, because you would merely be making a very big mistake. 

Giving up on a man with a good vision accompanied by appropriate action, merely because he has nothing today, makes you shortsighted or even blind. When you give-up on a man with a vision merely for the one that has a television in the present, then mark my words, "You would someday watch the one with a vision on the television you married into!"

Finally let me take the time to salute all the hardworking young men pursuing their visions and dreams. Brothers, do not relent, never let anyone make you feel less than you are, where you are at the present does not define your life. Never let your background keep your back to the ground. You are worth more than you know, keep having faith in yourself, even if no one else sees it for you, you must learn to see it for yourself, irrespective of the tide. I am confident that i will see you at the top!

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