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Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Marriage is not for INCOMPLETE people

Written byEkwegbalu Nnamdi

Now am about to write on what I consider a very controversial topic, it's a burning question, one that we share divergent viewpoints and perspectives on. It is the issue of marriage, yes marriage!

It is no longer surprising that many have adopted as their life's only ambition, "Marriage or Getting Married". Many also, have put their lives on hold pending when they find a suitor; their better half or Mr. /Mrs. Right. Popular culture has further influenced this viewpoint, as increasingly we are being pressured to marry, and when one gets to a certain age and is still single, he/she is looked upon with disdain.

Social network and the social media also have helped in further promoting and advancing this viewpoint, as daily we get indoctrinated via the notifications we receive, or viewing of various "seemingly impressive" pre-wedding photos of our age mates or those we consider ourselves to be older than getting married, creating in many especially our young ladies the feeling of being left out or running late in life.

Consequently, many of our young persons have built their lives and prayer points around getting married. Many, frequent prayer houses not in search of spiritual knowledge but in search of marital breakthroughs. This has further trapped and enslaved our young people, reducing them to the status of "incomplete" just because they are unmarried or single. This truly is an error!

Can I inform you that, you do not need a man or a woman to be complete? This might come as a revelation to many of us who have become socialized into this understanding. Know this, however anymore who sells you that garbage of singleness being equivalent to incompleteness, is simply misleading you. You should rebuke such persons or simply ignore them.

Contrary to the view many of us now share, that marriage makes one happy and fulfilled, that sadly is not the case. As many married persons are still unfulfilled and incomplete. Don't be easily swayed or moved by the extravagant display at the wedding receptions, which lasts only but for a day. You must understand that a seemingly "Happy Wedding Ceremony" is not indicative of a Happy Marriage.

Indeed "After the wedding comes the Marriage" For many who spend their time, energy and resources preparing for a carnival in the name of wedding fail heavily in marriage which is a lifetime affair.

Why the rush?                       
Don't forget you have the rest of your life to be married. One who gets married at 25, and lives to be 80, would have spent 55 years of his/her life married, and merely just 25 for himself. Your single and unmarried stage should be your time for self-discovery, self-development, self-advancement and Self-actualization. Many do not realize this, but this should be the period where you consciously build yourself.

You want to get married, but you are yet to discover your purpose, you don't even know yourself enough and you want to spend your lifetime studying another person. You still cannot even define you. You are looking for someone who will understand you, where you are yet to understand yourself.

The notion that your Marriage Partner is your better half has cultivated the mindset of emptiness in many people. This notion suggests that, once we find a spouse we have found our better half, implying therefore that before we find them we are incomplete.

The sad reality is that this notion suggests two incomplete persons getting into a union, consequently, each looks upon the other for completeness, hence seeking relevance and wholeness from the other person who most times is not even complete or does not even consider his/herself to be complete. This ultimately creates in them a deprivation mentality, where one looks upon the other continuously for value, and this, in the long run, drains the party who continuously gives.

This is because from being half-full, you empty and continue to empty yourself into your spouse, ultimately leaving you empty and drained. This is a core issue in many marriages today where a party ultimately seeks value both physical, emotional, psychological, or even sexual value outside his/her marriage, simply to make-up for what the other party lacks. This leads to infidelity and consequent break-up of the union.

Marriage is for complete people, not for half-full or half empty human beings, for in marriage both must contribute equally without the risk of one running out of virtue/value.
This then leads me to the question which informed this write-up in the first place. How complete are you? Know this, the discovery of your Purpose and Vision for Living puts you in the pathway of fulfillment and completeness in life!

Thus, your spouse or whoever you eventually decide to marry should find you pursuing your Purpose and Vision, this would get them to acknowledge and respect it ab-initio, as well as ultimately inspire them to help you achieve it.

You must be someone who already has a destination, hence you must be going somewhere first. Let whoever you decide to marry be someone going to the same or similar direction with you. Don't be going North and yet get into marriage with someone going South. Can't you see your visions do not align/agree?

Go for a man or woman who shares the same vision with you. However, before this can happen, you must have first discovered your destination.

God is not the author of confusion, don't get into marriage with someone who is as confused as yourself, thereby resulting in children who are just a bundle of confusion. Discover yourself first, and that should ultimately help you in deciding who to marry and also when to marry.

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