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Tuesday, September 27, 2016

An Emotional Letter To YOU

Written by: Free thinker

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The Married, The Engaged, The Not – So – Single, The I am in Love, Those Searching, The Heart Broken, The Naive, The Possessive, Those Afraid to PROFESS and CONFESS Love, The Cheats, Those Changing Partners, Those Afraid to INVEST in LOVE, All my Friends.

Congratulations, I cherish your togetherness. Meanwhile, remember, love is not about "it's your fault", but all about "I'm sorry". Love is not about "where are you", but all about "I'm right here". Love is not about "how could you", but all about "I understand". Love is not about "I wish you were", but all about "I'm thankful you are."

Congratulations too as you have resolved together to go into this perpetual emotional journey. But remember, the true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together, but how good you are for each other. Try as much as possible to work it out, it's one of the best feeling in life. It's worth it.

Doing emotional "interview" by having numerous partners in order to pick the most "qualified candidate" does not work most times. Stick with someone your heart and soul yearn for, not the one your eyes search for. Love is not about becoming someone else's "perfect person." it is about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

I will say kudos to you too. But remember love sometimes is not all about happiness, but sacrificing your happiness for someone else's weaknesses. Also have it in mind that it won't be smooth sailing just like the day you both agreed to go into a relationship, so be prepared to make symbiotic sacrifices for that ultimate goal - marriage.

Also be warned to reduce online "advertisement" of your "boo", most times it's detrimental, if things didn't go as planned and as thought, you will be the hardest hit and you might even be converted to a "case study".

Activating "in a relationship", "engaged" and "being toasted" button on Facebook might generate little comments and "likes", but will affect you more if you change the button in the future again to "Single". Learn to keep important things in your life secret until they are obvious to others, wait till after marriage, then you can convert your Facebook page to a photo album, but until then, wait!

Love is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just patiently wait, it will come to you when you least expected it. Love will give you the best in life and glow your spirit only when you give it to someone who is really worth it and can reciprocate it. So take your time and choose wisely.

To my "course-mates" well done. I know you are searching for your soul mate, if I get you right, that means someone who thinks, behaves, dresses, eats, drinks, sleeps, dances, walks, reads, feels and likes all the same things as you right?

Well, it might work in a Nollywood or a Hollywood movie, but in reality it's not possible. And besides, it’s not a healthy type of relationship, you know why? It will grow out of unresolved insecurities. When your partner's thoughts, feelings and behaviours mirror your own, you're validated by the illusion of sameness and it's a way of avoiding uncertainty within the relationship. Eventually, when there is a difference of opinion, you feel threatened and invalidated.

Before you know it, you will begin to doubt the relationship, and may even think your partner is a fake. Aunty/Brother, don't kill off your relationship by expecting your partner to think, feel and behave the same way you do, instead, celebrate the differences and make yourself open to diversity. When you do that, your relationship can become an exciting journey of growth and self-discovery.

Hmmmmmn. According to my friend, nothing last forever, not even aboki's perfume. Heartbreaks last as long as you want it, and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks, but how to learn from them. Though most times, it's difficult to let go, but what will be will be; if you are meant to be together he/she will surely come back, but if not, there's nothing you can do. Move on.

Yes. You keep reading love stories, watching love movies and listening to love songs. But know one thing, most of the authors of love-books are either divorced, or having issues with their unions, most of the singers of love songs are not even in relationships, and most of the actors and actresses in love movies don't even believe in love because they have either not experienced it or have been "dealt with" in the past. 

Therefore don't believe all you read, listen to or watch. Take my simple advice; fall in love but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to be too demanding, get hurt, but never keep the pain.

It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else, but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you. Don't be too attached. Don't give your happiness to your lover, give yourself much joy, your happiness should not be dependent on your partner. 

The phrases and statements like "She is the joy of my life", "He is the reason why I'm breathing", "Without her I'm worthless", "He is my world" etc. are not practical. Nobody can give you better Joy than the one you create for yourself. Nobody is your world, you are your own world. Yes, love increases your happiness, but the key to your happiness and joy is in your hands. Don't hold love too tight, it might get choked.

Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel. Tell him/her how you feel, he/she might just be waiting for you to talk. Nothing stops a woman from approaching the man she loves. The world has gone beyond "rural" emotion. If you love me, tell me.

Behind every untrusting girl is a boy who lied, cheated and broke his promises to her. Behind every untrusting guy is a girl who toiled with his heart. I'm not encouraging infidelity, but don't let us be too quick to judge; if witches were given time to explain why they did what they did, some of them might be right (a proverb in Okene). But one thing the cheats need to know too is that, they are not doing anyone any harm but themselves.

Sometimes within you, you feel justified by changing partners like clothes just because of few amendable "sins" that you too cannot even exonerate yourself from, I plead with you to have second thought. 

You may think you are still young and beautiful, but think about it, if you keep changing courses in a higher institution; sometimes after a year studying a course, sometimes you have spent like 4 semesters, sometimes you are almost through before you "realize" that the course is "boring", tell me, when will you graduate? 

When will you even master the discipline? Relationships are not meant to be projects, if you are spending all your time repairing, fixing, upgrading and changing, please have a second thought. Besides, you are not getting younger, every minutes of your life counts.

Just like business, love itself needs investment before it can grow. All the hype about "She no want Designer", "She no want Ferrarri" stuff are pure slogans. The female species that doesn't want money and good things of life left the surface of the earth around 1340BC, so if any man is looking for females that doesn't want anything but love will need to consult archeologists. 

Both males and females are gold diggers, the different is that some of us are heavy diggers, some of us are lazy diggers, some of us are occasional diggers while some of us are simple diggers, but we all dig! Love without "financial empowerment" no matter how little will shrink with time. So please invest in your partner and you will reap the reward of your investment. Love alone is not enough, add money to it and see a better result.


My wish for you is a man/woman whose love is honest, strong, mature, never-ending, never-changing, ever-upgrading, uplifting, protective, encouraging, rewarding and unselfish. I'm I missing anything? Fill the gap

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