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Saturday, August 06, 2016

Dangers of having kids outside Marriage

Written by Muoka Chibuzor

During our youthful age, we do a lot of things in all spheres of life, due to the tremendous energy and ability associated with the youthful bliss.

Alas! Also at this stage in life, most youths make grievous mistakes that hunt them like shadows all the days of their lives.

Every responsible Individual who wants to have a successful life must start in his/her youth to amend his or her ways to be able to achieve aimed goals.
Same applies to marriage. It’s not when we meet the right person, we start getting prepared to amend our ways. It’s easier when such amendment were done before marriage.

In our youths the frivolities of life is in its peak, most men and women have children unexpectedly as a result of pre-marital sex, and refusal to adhere to the strict views of every responsible society - Sex should be in Marriage.

Now, this youths most times are unable to provide for their unwanted baby. The word unwanted is used because they never wanted such to result in the first place. But since it has happened... Life must go on.

  • Some youths go ahead to dump their child at other peoples home or motherless babies home.
  • Some youths go ahead to sell off theirs - child trafficking.
  • Some youths decide to keep their child with them without the knowledge of anyone. A secret they might not tell their future spouse, depending on how the future smiles on them.

So many people will do so many different things but the fact remains, a child was born out of wedlock and the young boy and girl are automatically parents...although maybe unprepared.


We will be,
Looking at a scenario in an African setting, were a young boy accepts the child but keeps the information away from his family and the result of his foolish wisdom.

A man called Jimmy had a younger brother called Daniel, with six sisters. They were both apparent heirs to their father’s wealth when he is gone and also when the sisters get married.

Jimmy in his youthful exuberance had an affair with a young lady and it resulted to a baby boy. Jimmy thought it was wise to keep the knowledge away from his parents and siblings. Fear of being forced to marry her, since he never loved her, but loved her only for sexual gratification.

2 years later, the father died from a strange illness.  12 years later their mother also died after a brief illness.
They were now left to fend for themselves with no parents amid them. Jimmy got married to another lady, whom he thought was more beautiful than his former girlfriend (baby mama) and the perfect woman he thought.

He refused to tell his wife he had a son outside.
The wife bore him 2 sons and 4 daughters, unknown to anyone he was still having an affair with the first woman, and that resulted in 3 more children. 2 boys 2 girls in total.
He would often visit the other wife when he feels like. Catering for two families, without the knowledge of his wife, and suffering the consequences of his actions all alone in silence. 

To train all those children was a huge task for him. And that made him ignore training his younger sisters who weren’t educated enough when their parents died. He was busy with the punishment he gave himself.

This kept going on until one day his wife discovered and that was a big disaster for Jimmy. His wife felt like stabbing him to death, who would ever be happy to hear such from a man she had pledged her devotion till death do us part.

Jimmy was able to convince his wife not to tell her children about the other family he has. The wife agreed but was troubled about how her husband's property will be shared between her sons and Jimmy's other sons.

She told jimmy that the only way to solve the issue was for him to agree that all his lands belong to her sons. And then he can carve out smaller land portions for his other sons from his younger brother land since the large land owned by his father, has not been shared since he died.

Jimmy agreed to all his wife said, he dare not refuse her request, he was between the devil and the deep blue sea.
One day, Daniel called Jimmy and told him that he wants to build a house on his own portion of the land left by their father, but jimmy was quick to remind him that the land has not been shared. So Daniel requested for the land to be shared but jimmy refused, he was now plotting not to allot any piece of land to his younger brother and family.

That lead to a family war, so many meetings were called by various elders in the communities to ensure that the land was shared peacefully between them. As this was going on, Jimmy and wife resorted to involve in diabolic acts to deter his younger brother from the land. Later the land was still divided into 2 equal halves by the village elders. To your tents ooh Israel, did the village elders say after the land was shared.

Eventually, Jimmy’s diabolic plots backfired and his wife died mysteriously. He kept on living a life with huge secrets hung on his necks, secrets that have made him sleepless and have presented him as a man not to be reckoned with.

2 years later he fell sick and went to Lagos to stay with his late wife 1st daughter. One day he called all his children from his late wife together and decided to vomit his Mistakes in life. He told his children that their late mother knew about the other woman and her kids, but his children were looking at him with veracious anger burning in their eyes. 

They said to themselves, it was not 1 or 2 but 4 children from another woman – this man is heartless! Hell was broke loose and they descended on Jimmy with massive beatings, ignoring the glaring fact that he was sick.

Jimmy developed high blood pressure and was very worried of what will become of his children when he’s gone. He became very very sick and was rushed to India for medical treatments. Sir Jimmy died in India and was brought back to Nigeria to be buried. A second war can be perceived, as a result of Jimmy’s youthful foolishness. 

But who knows?
May God be kind to his descendants.

  • People should be careful about their youthful actions, for they can hunt one to the grave.
  • Having Kids before Marriage or outside the Matrimonial home, Should be discouraged.
  • We should be careful the kinds of secrets we keep to ourselves, it might be foolishness if we fail to open up for help.
  • Most clandestine actions with evil intentions can boomerang.
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