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Sunday, May 29, 2016

How does Want and Need affect your Marriage(The Ladies guild)

Covetousness has led so many people into wrong marriages; they are now in deep pain biting their fingers for choosing a wrong partner. 

When they are at the stage of picking who they want to get married to, they selectively pick someone who fits their wants, and not necessarily what they need to build a good home. 

In fact majority of them go for what will take care of their expectations for the short term and suffer in the long term. Women especially are fond of mistaking some people's natural values for love only to use it to justify their emotional expectations.

Some women believe a man who live in a nice apartment, drive a good car and work in a reputable organization is responsible. Meanwhile they feel or believe such person is responsible because it matches their wants in marriage, nobody wants to suffer in marriage but they place that expectation higher than what they actually need which is marital happiness.

We live in a world where women mistake men's kindness and generosity for love, not knowing some men are just naturally kind and generous to women. Women at this point then believe since these are the kind of men they want to have in their lives, it is then certain that love is what these men feel for them.
Women love for silly reasons, some ladies believe a man is proud of them when he uses their picture as his display picture, some believe a man is in love when he buys gifts for them, some ladies believe a man is in love the moment he introduces them to his relatives or family members, some ladies believe a man truly loves them if he tells them that he does.

These are just values that some people promote or possess as a man and are not aligned with is needed for them to be your kind of man. When some of these ladies see a man who has six packs, they automatically fall in love with him, some ladies can't simply do without pink lips, it tickles them and thus helps them destroying their own lives. I remember a lady who told me that she can never marry a man who does not have pink links, and I'm like "is that a joke".

The question you must first ask yourself is what guarantees marital happiness for you, is it money, understanding, respect, procreation, fun, joy, fulfillment or satisfaction?
It is not about love, it is never about love or what you feel, it is about people's compatibility. No matter how much you love that man or woman, if you are not compatible; your love for him or her is USELESS. 

Ask the right question, speak to yourself, and ask what you are really after, your wants or your needs?

  • What do we have in common that will help sustain our relationship?
  • What does he or she possess that will help complement what I already have?
  • Will this person find me attractive even when I am in my painful or negative period?
  • Does what I feel for him really count even when I know that we are not that compatible?
  • What must happen for me to know that I truly love this person?
  • Do I really feel love for this person or I am only in lust based on my wants and not my needs?
  • Will I be fulfilled after being married to this person?

If you can answer these questions, you will understand how important questions are in our decision making process. 
You will get answers that you will never get from any clergy, parent or guardian. You will know yourself better than anyone, you will understand your needs and wants and how your emotions work. 
Then will you know why you must get married or why you are married to the person you label as your partner today. I only want the best for you, nothing more.

For counseling, whatsapp me on +233270440787 or call +2348085881455

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